Uncomfortable conversations

This morning I read an email by Clark Kegley (clark@clarkkegley.com).

It was entitled "10 things I wish I knew a decade ago."

Somehow I have ended up on this man's mailing list. And I'm ok with that because his 'ten things' resonated with me. It was big-sky thinking at its finest.

There were several things I feel like I knew and I do already. Things like knowing that nobody is thinking about me as much as I think they are. I learnt that in Al-Anon; it was a fact that people weren't always staring at me or judging me, simply because they're way too preoccupied with their own thoughts and problems. It was such a relief. I remember a feeling of elation when I learnt this. I was off the hook!

I also was firmly in touch with the idea that taking some form of action puts you in forward motion and forward is the direction any progress on a goal lies in.

There were a few things I am going to have to think about; such as, "Happiness is subtraction not addition."

But the 'thing' that really spoke to me was number seven, "If you avoid hard conversations, life gets harder." So much so that I wrote the following, very thankful response:

Hi Clark,

               I think for me the huge take away point is: "Your life is determined by the amount of uncomfortable conversations you're willing to have."

Just yesterday I was asked to sell something I didn't want to let go of for the convenience of someone else. So often, I'd have just obliged. But this thing had been used that very day and I can see that I will use it a lot in the course of my activities moving forward.

I agonised for a long time over my reply. I have been heavily conditioned not to cause inconvenience to others. To the point that an acquaintance recently described me as, "So accommodating, I was invisible."

That statement hurt but it was also really informative. I didn't want to be invisible. I no longer wanted to fade into the background. And at fifty-eight, that feeling, that lesson couldn't come soon enough.

So, in answer to the request to sell, I wrote a long reply ending, "Countless times in my life, I've said yes when I want to say no. So, with love, no."

My reply was met with kindness and understanding, which shocked me, whilst being incredibly gratifying. 

Speak up, ask that difficult question. Come from a place of authenticity and self-love. You can still be loving and kind towards others whilst honouring your own wishes, instincts, thoughts and feelings. That is the lesson I will be taking forward.

I urge you to take a look at that list. Here's a link to it below:

https://mail.yahoo.com/d/folders/59/messages/61063?.intl=au&.lang=en-AU

What takeaway gems do you have?